Livin' Life on the flip side of 50!

If you're livin' on the flip side of 50 you were probably home-schooled like most of our generation by well-meaning parents:

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL  DONE.    "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside- I just  cleaned!"
    2. My mother taught me RELIGION:    "You better pray that's gonna come out of the carpet."
    3. My father taught me about TRAVEL:    "If you don't shut up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
    4. My father taught me about AUTHORITY:  " Because I said so, that's why   ."
    5. My mother taught me LOGIC:    "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, it's your own fault"
    6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT:    "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
    7. My father taught me about IRONY    "Keep crying, and I'm gonna give you something to cry about."
    8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.   "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
    9. My mother taught me how to be a CONTORTIONIST:    "Look at that dirt on the back of your neck!
 "  10. My mother taught me about STAMINA:    "You just sit there til all that spinach is gone."
    11. My mother taught me about the WEATHER:    "Your bedroom looks like a tornado hit it"
    12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY:    "If I told you once, I told you a million times, don't exaggerate!"
    13. My father taught me about the  CIRCLE OF LIFE:  "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out of it"
    14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION:    "Stop acting like you're the boss!"
    15. My mother taught me about ENVY:    "There's millions of kids in this world who don't have good  parents like you do."
    16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION:    "Just wait til your father gets home."
    17. My mother taught me about GETTING: 'You're gonna get it when we get home!"
    18  My mother taught me the SCIENCE OF MEDICINE:    "If you don't stop making those faces you're gonna stay  that way."
    19. My mother taught me ESP.    "Put your coat on; I should know when you're cold?"
    20. My father taught me HUMOR.    "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come crying  to me."
    21. My mother taught me HOW TO BE AN ADULT:   "If you don't eat those vegetables, you'll never grow up."
    22. My mother taught me GENETICS:   "You're just like your father."
    23. My mother taught me about  ROOTS:    "Shut that door - you weren't born in a barn!"
    24. My mother taught me WISDOM.    "When you get to be my age, you'll understand.
    25. My father taught me about JUSTICE . " I hope  your kids  turn out just like you!"
   
the kardlady